Love bombing is one of those deceptive terms that might initially sound appealing. After all, who wouldn't want to be overwhelmed—or bombed—with affection? The phrase conjures images of whirlwind romances filled with gifts, compliments, and endless attention. At first glance, it seems like the dream—being adored and cherished beyond measure. But like most things that seem too good to be true, there's a darker side to love bombing that often goes unnoticed until it's too late.
What is Love Bombing?
Love bombing is a manipulative tactic often used by individuals with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). It involves overwhelming a person with excessive affection, gifts, and promises of a perfect future to gain control and create dependency. The reality, however, is far from the fairytale it appears to be.
The Dark Side of Love Bombing
Like many who aren't familiar with narcissistic relationship dynamics, I had no idea what love bombing was until I experienced it firsthand. My “love story” began in the chaotic aftermath of 9/11, a time when the world felt uncertain. During this period, I found myself at a casual gathering in Scottsdale, introduced by an acquaintance to a man who would later become my ex.
The moment I walked in, this man claimed I was the woman of his dreams. His words were sweet—almost magical—but they fell flat for me. I wasn't looking for a fairytale romance. Yet, something about him made it easy for us to connect, at least superficially. I didn't feel any sparks, nor did I see him as a potential partner. However, he was so kind and unbelievably funny that we quickly became friends.
How Narcissists Use Love Bombing to Control
From that day on, he called me incessantly. At first, it seemed flattering, but soon it became overwhelming. The calls were nonstop, almost to the point of being inappropriate. Despite my reservations, we spent more time together, and by spring, our relationship had escalated from friendship to dating. That’s when things moved into hyperdrive, and I found myself swept up in what can only be described as a whirlwind romance.
The initial months of our relationship were intoxicating. My then-boyfriend, with his infectious laughter and effortless charm, swept me off my feet in every possible way. We took spontaneous trips, indulged in our favorite wines, and found joy in the simplest of things. We even bonded over shared childhood traumas, which seemed to bring us closer. It felt like we were in a world of our own.
He seemed like the perfect guy—almost too perfect. Our relationship resembled the cheesiest romcoms, but there were moments when it felt overwhelming. Losing yourself in a relationship is never healthy, yet I found myself slowly losing my individuality. The longer we were together, the more I felt suffocated.
Recognizing the Signs of Love Bombing
It was like watching my reflection all day. He liked everything I liked, showered me with endless compliments, and anticipated my needs before I even realized them. It was as if he had crafted a perfect replica of me—someone who understood and validated me in a way no one else had.
Before I knew it, he moved into my home—without discussion or notice. “We love each other, right?” he would say. “So why wait?” His logic was flawless, and I had no comeback. If you love someone, why wouldn't you want to live with them? But deep down, I felt our relationship was moving at a breakneck pace, and I had no way to explain it without him turning it into a question of my love for him.
You can’t fight love bombing with logic. Lesson learned.
After only three months of dating, he got down on one knee and proposed. The moment those four words left his mouth, I felt a wave of hesitation. I remember thinking, “This isn’t how you’re supposed to feel when someone proposes.” But I had nothing to compare it to, so I said yes, convincing myself that this was what love was supposed to feel like. Deep down, I knew something was wrong, and in hindsight, I should have trusted that feeling.
Escaping a Narcissistic Relationship
Love bombing is a tactic narcissists often use to trap their victims. They overwhelm you with affection, attention, and promises of a perfect future. It’s a seductive illusion—one that makes you feel like you’ve found your soulmate when, in reality, you’re being manipulated.
The cracks in our relationship started to appear soon after we got engaged. He would disappear for days without explanation, leaving me in a state of panic and confusion. My calls went unanswered, and when he finally resurfaced, he acted as though nothing was wrong. These disappearances triggered anxiety and insecurity I had never felt before. I began questioning myself, wondering what I had done wrong. But in truth, his behavior was a calculated move to keep me on edge, ensuring I remained dependent on his affection and approval.
Despite the growing red flags, I felt trapped in the relationship. The idea of walking away seemed impossible, especially after he had told me I was his soulmate. I had bought into the fantasy, convincing myself I would be crazy not to marry him. The love bombing had worked—I was entangled in a relationship that was far from healthy.
Soon after the engagement, we began having the most irrational and erratic arguments, leading up to the wedding day. At this point, I was trapped. Our relationship had become one giant red flag, but we were “soulmates,” right? You can’t leave your soulmate.
Conclusion: Avoiding the Trap of Love Bombing
The love bombing stage is essentially a cage that traps you in a toxic relationship. The love bomber/narcissist will go out of their way to create euphoric experiences that keep you on such a high that when they begin to unmask themselves, you’re left in a state of panic, constantly trying to recapture that initial high.
This is all part of a carefully crafted illusion. A narcissist will prey on your deepest desire for love and connection by presenting themselves as everything you’ve ever dreamed of. They mirror you to build unwavering trust and then slowly erode the fantastical illusion, creating a trauma bond that keeps you trapped.
But there is a way out. Escaping a narcissist is tough, but it is possible. I did it, and I’m alive to tell the tale.
This doesn’t have to be your story. You can avoid a narcissist by recognizing the signs of love bombing and cutting them off before they have a chance to trap you.
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